Friday, May 13, 2011

Simon van Kempen Gives Shockingly Awful Live Performance
The Real Housewives franchise has spawned a number of wanna-be singers before Simon van Kempen's latest train wreck. With Atlanta's Kim Zolciak's "Tardy for the Party," the intention seemed to be to create a competitive pop single. With music heavyweight Kandi Burruss ("No Scrubs" writer) producing, the tepid single managed to perform well on the dance charts.

Countess LuAnn of NYC attempted to imitate the success with the cheeky "Money Can't Buy You Class," which was universally panned. Ex-New Jersey housewife Danielle Staub also flopped with "Real Close." The same can be said for Gretchen of Orange County's multiple singles. White House party crasher (and DC housewife) Michaele Salahi's new tune "Bump It" will likely follow the same path.

So why did Bravo TV choose to heavily promote the worst single of them all, Simon van Kempen's (husband of NYC housewife Alex) "I'm Real" with a hyped live performance on Watch What Happens Live? There may be some grand marketing reason, but to imagine this single moving more than a novelty sale or two is mind-boggling.

If camp is the intent, the talent takes the ridiculousness much too earnestly for the experience to be anything but painful. Simon bobs and weaves while losing any semblance of pitch as Andy Cohen plastic smiles even more nervously than usual. The sight is a sad one. But given the continuing charade, it must be somewhat lucrative.

To add more confusion to the mix, it is worth noting that one artist has used the Bravo platform to cleverly launch a single: Miss Lawrence of Atlanta ("Closet Freak").
Really if Bravo keeps this kind of stuff up, don't be surprised if the 'Housewives' franchise is done soon.