Friday, May 13, 2011

Simon van Kempen Gives Shockingly Awful Live Performance
The Real Housewives franchise has spawned a number of wanna-be singers before Simon van Kempen's latest train wreck. With Atlanta's Kim Zolciak's "Tardy for the Party," the intention seemed to be to create a competitive pop single. With music heavyweight Kandi Burruss ("No Scrubs" writer) producing, the tepid single managed to perform well on the dance charts.

Countess LuAnn of NYC attempted to imitate the success with the cheeky "Money Can't Buy You Class," which was universally panned. Ex-New Jersey housewife Danielle Staub also flopped with "Real Close." The same can be said for Gretchen of Orange County's multiple singles. White House party crasher (and DC housewife) Michaele Salahi's new tune "Bump It" will likely follow the same path.

So why did Bravo TV choose to heavily promote the worst single of them all, Simon van Kempen's (husband of NYC housewife Alex) "I'm Real" with a hyped live performance on Watch What Happens Live? There may be some grand marketing reason, but to imagine this single moving more than a novelty sale or two is mind-boggling.

If camp is the intent, the talent takes the ridiculousness much too earnestly for the experience to be anything but painful. Simon bobs and weaves while losing any semblance of pitch as Andy Cohen plastic smiles even more nervously than usual. The sight is a sad one. But given the continuing charade, it must be somewhat lucrative.

To add more confusion to the mix, it is worth noting that one artist has used the Bravo platform to cleverly launch a single: Miss Lawrence of Atlanta ("Closet Freak").
Really if Bravo keeps this kind of stuff up, don't be surprised if the 'Housewives' franchise is done soon.


  1. What’s next Summon? Appearing butt naked at a gay pride rally wearing fuck-me boots with moob tassles and singing "Holiday" by Madona, you pathetic little fool!

  2. I like Simon and Alex. They are great parents who could give lessons to some of these horrible housewives. I hope Simon and Alex get their own show.

  3. WHAT? their own show???? If you are a parent you would have looked at those childrens behavior with much distain...and the VanCamps, education to and pretentiousness with their children and everyone is "hair raising". And frankly those poor boys being stuck with those names is sad. These are ordinary people who are trying with all their might to get into society...and someone needs to tell them how ordinary they are..not give them a show of their own. I would not be able to watch Simon (alone on a show) Alex really is a little hard to watch as of later but Simon? eck! What is Andy thinking? I do agree that the other housewives have questionable parenting tactics..even the housekeeper says the mother isnt there enough...they all are disgraceful in their own ways and I feel for the kids almost every show. Look for "tell alls" by these kids in the future which will probably be like another "mommy dearest"...
    They really should all be ashamed by their behavior and their narcissistic attitudes...really who do they think they are? they are not royalty , not even in the realm of high society, they just have a TV show that airs all of their weirdest out in the open. Shame on all of you. Now adays its like good TV has to be about horrible people..why couldnt a little niceness be good TV?