Jennifer Gilbert, Author Of Memoir 'I Never Promised You A Goodie Bag,' Talks Success After Violence

HuffPo.com:

At 22, Jennifer Gilbert was attacked in the hallway of a New York City apartment building and stabbed multiple times. She survived, told very few people what had happened to her and went on to found her own event planning business, Save The Date, at the age of 24. The company has since done millions of dollars in revenue, and at 29 Gilbert was named Ernst and Young's Entrepreneur of the Year.

Now 43 and a mother of three (and also a former Real Housewife of New York City), Gilbert has just published a memoir, "I Never Promised You A Goodie Bag," detailing the attack and how it motivated her to approach her life and work with the mentality, "You picked the wrong girl." HuffPost Women spoke to her about how she decided to finally tell her story and how she found success and fulfillment in the wake of violence.


Why did you wait until now to write this book?

I had never planned on talking about this. Ever. When it first happened, I was in total denial. I never wanted my name and "victim" to be in the same sentence. I never wanted anyone to feel sorry for me. I never wanted anybody to do business with me because of it. I wanted to be worthy of my life, and anything to do with this attack made me feel unworthy of it. So I just never talked about it. I’d say 99 percent of the hundred percent of people in my life knew.

But when my son started to loose all of his hair [due to alopecia], I was feeling a despair that I couldn’t place, except for 21 years ago. One day I realized I was so mad, so angry, and this wasn’t about my son and his hair. I mean, yes, of course, I was devastated, but I wasn't angry at the universe about it. I was angry at the universe about me and my old feelings. That was really powerful for me. When I realize where my emotions are coming from and what they mean, I get much more clear about what I need to do and how to handle them.

That’s when thought, maybe this is a book. It became less about me telling my story and more about how I had overcome this to be better for my son. And it’s 20 years later. I’ve gotten recognized for my company. I never capitalized on the most horrible thing that ever happened to me.

Through the years, people have said, "Jen, you have to write this down." I was like, "Mmm, not for me." Why would anybody care about my story? It only made sense to me when it wasn’t about my story anymore, it was about my son and me realizing I had the choice to feel differently.


What was the hardest part of retelling it?

I really blocked out so much, much more than I thought. When I started to sit down with my family [and] some of my best friends at the time and ask them questions, they would look at me and [ask],“But honey, don’t you remember X,” and I had no memory of it.
And then when Harpers sent the first draft back with their edits, I could not get through my own first chapter, the attack chapter, without putting it down 12 times. I know I wrote it, I know I was there, but to see it in black and white was really hard for me.


Did you plan to go into event planning?

This was not even a remote option for a career. I was small business minor and did consumer studies and marketing. I would have gone into business, gone to Wall Street. I was always a good sales person. Maybe I would have worked for my father. But after the attack, I knew I needed to be around people celebrating and laughing and drinking and communicating something, because I never thought I would have joy in my life again. And I just thought okay, well, I’ll just have to create it for other people and be around it, and that should be enough.


How did you get your clients and vendors to take you seriously as such a young woman?

I had a lot these, "Listen, young lady" [encounters] with fingers pointed at me, which really, really pissed me off. I would just look right back at them and say, Well, I’m the young lady who booked 2 million dollars for the business at your venue, we’re going to move this here. And I think people like to intimidate women, of any age. It's terrible but I think it’s true, especially young women.

My advice is, A, if you allow them to they will, and if you don’t, they won’t. B, you have to take that into account and be extra good and really stay calm and fight the stereotype. I was really, really tough because I felt like I had to be. I needed to be very clear about my expectations with anybody I worked with, with vendors, with my clients. And I think this attack just changed me, and people didn’t know why they trusted me. I would say, "I’ve got it covered," and I said it in confidence, because I knew I could deliver on anything because I had no fear. I was never afraid or intimidated by anybody after what happened to me. I was kind of like, "Bring it on." So no matter who said anything to me, I could look at them in the eye and say, "I will deliver. I will be there for you, and I will fight for you because I know what a fight is."


When you started your own business, were you afraid ever that it would fail?

No. Never. People ask me all the time how I did even half the things I have done, and put myself out there in those ways, and I say, "What is the worst that could happen?" I’ve already had the worst. We all fail in life. You move on, you learn your lesson from it, and you try something better, you go in a different direction. That doesn’t scare me at all.
What scares me is that you’ve got one life. This is it. It if you sit on your bed, waiting for "it" to enter your room, whatever that is, if it’s the man of your dreams, if it’s the job that you want -- it’s not going to come into you bedroom. You have to put yourself out there and try. Then at least you know you’ve done your best and you can move on.
I didn’t even think about failure. I think about how will life feel if I take the safe route, and I never try? That is something I can't live with.


In the book you mention been very aloof with your staff in the first few years and suddenly realizing that you hadn’t really communicated with them on a personal level. What is your advice to young female managers about how to be a warm leader and yet maintain control and trust?

It’s a really hard line to walk. I still sort of walk it, because at the end of the day, you are in charge, you are the boss.I’m not a good patter on the back because I don’t need stroking. It doesn’t come naturally to me to say, "Great job. (Pat, pat)." I think that you get more out of your people if you give them feedback, which I learned and I make a very conscious effort to do that now. But as a leader, you have to separate what’s work and what’s not, and it’s hard. You have to learn not to get upset if there are group drinks and you’re not invited. That definitely hurt my feelings when everybody was my age. I just had to say to myself, "I can’t be everything to everybody." At the end of the day it’s more important that my business run properly and I’m able to communicate what needs to be done than to be friends.

This is a pretty inspiring story.

Jennifer Gilbert Talks New Memoir "I Never Promised You A Goodie Bag,"

RELATED: I Never Promised You a Goodie Bag: A Memoir of a Life Through Events --- the Ones You Plan and the Ones You Don't

Andy Cohen Snubs The Real Housewives of New York City

Sounds like, just as I expected, the RHONY cast without Bethenny is just too boring:

Andy Cohen, The Real Housewives producer, sent an email to the New York City cast announcing their season premiere would be delayed by a couple of months. Or so.


The Real Housewives of New York City was slated to air after the Real Housewives of Atlanta cleared up their Nene Leakes conspiracy theories in mid February.


But no can do. The Real Housewives of Miami will air instead of the ladies in New York. It's already been stated that the NYC cast has been pushed back because this year's season doesn't have too much drama. It is said that this season the seven housewives, minus Bethenny Frankel, got along this season.


Not many could blame Bethenny for leaving after she married Jason and had a baby and listened to Kelly and Jill attack her at every turn. Bethenny then took off with her own hit show, Bethenny Getting Married, a show that surpassed the Housewives ratings.


Frankel was replaced by a new housewife, Cindy Barshop a hair removal guru with twin daughters.


To date, the Atlanta Housewives have the highest ratings, although Season 3 ratings of the Real Housewives of New York City were reportedly good. However, the fighting between all of the cast members made the season especially intense. The hurt feelings, broken friendships were irreconcilable even at the reunion, and as expected, the most durable and commercial housewife, Frankel exited.


Season 4 of the Real Housewives of New York City has a different set of producers and the New York Daily News said that the early viewer reaction to trailers of the NYC cast was not good.


Consequently, the show is being pushed back to make for editing purposes, NYC Housewives star Sonja Morgan explained.


Cohen has not uttered a word on the return of The Real Housewives of DC, another franchise mired in bickering because most of the DC socialites said they were skeptical about filming again with Michelle Salahi and her husband, the infamous White House party crashers.


Cohen asked NYC cast members not to tweet the email marked urgent, but in the email said the show would not make its scheduled February 22 air date, but instead would air in the spring, perhaps March or April.


The Real Housewives of Miami features former Chicago Bulls star Scottie Pippin's wife, Larsa Pippen and five others.

If this is all true then the blames lie with whatever idiots picked Cindy Barshop to replace Bethenny in the first place. From the moment I heard her name and read about her, she just seemed too nice (i.e. "dull") and again, why the need for 7 'Housewives' anyway? Seven is just too much. RHONY didn't need somebody to be contrived and phony (like Phaedra on RHOA), just someone with their own, unique personality, who could stir things up a little bit. Sonja was a good addition, but when it comes to confrontation she holds back too much. Sure, there'll never be another Bethenny, but more effort could've been made to find someone close to meeting Bethenny's charm, wit and ability to get in Team Jill's condescending, self-important, lying asses when needed to. It's sad that its come to this, but better they fix whatever's wrong then have viewers start calling for them to replace the whole lot. Really now, didn't they learn anything from the Jennifer Gilbert Experiment? Somewhere you just know Bethenney's smirking at this news.

Jennifer Gilbert's Guide To Tribeca - TriBurbia

I've lived in NYC all my life and have never heard anyone refer to Tribeca as "TriBurbia", but whatever:

First Impressions to Loving TriBeCa
I moved to TriBeCa when I was eight-and-a-half months pregnant with my daughter exactly six years ago in 2004.  We knew we wanted to move downtown and we were looking for a loft type apartment in a neighborhood that was relaxed, kid friendly, and had great food and services. I had wanted the West Village and when my husband showed me TriBeCa, I said ‘where are all the people?’ 

Six months later I loved it so much I moved my office a block away and barely go above Canal Street anymore! I think TriBeCa has a very different vibe than any other neighborhood in New York City. We call it Triburbia, it’s a neighborhood. We know all of our neighbors in different buildings and streets, everyone says hello to each other, and the bakery knows how you like your coffee. It feels very suburban and friendly, just in downtown.

The Changing Landscape of TriBeCa
In the last six years, TriBeCa has changed drastically. Tribeca was always known for very industrial buildings with artists and printing companies. There are still some of those buildings and galleries around, but the number of kid-friendly restaurants, buildings and parks that have been developed are amazing. The development of the West Side Highway and the new pier, which is a kids pier with beach volleyball, mini golf and a rock climbing wall is amazing. They have also built three new elementary schools for all the families moving downtown. They have also repaved all of the streets in the neighborhood in the original look of cobblestones and makes it very charming – hard to walk in high heels – but charming.

TriBeCa has always had small, family run and owned stores and pharmacies. In the past five years, we have had our first Duane Read move in, a whole foods and a Bed, Bath & Beyond.  While these are great conveniences and have helped the influx of people, it has been very sad to see local smaller single store companies go out of business. There has to be a way of protecting some of the pioneers of the neighborhood.

Places I Love: TriBeCa's Best Stores, Restaurants, Bars & More
Last year I was the event planner on the cast of the Real housewives of New York. I loved that they came down and filmed in my apartment. It was totally different than the other Upper East Side homes that they typically show. I was happy to highlight TriBeCa. I also represent over 2,200 event locations in and around NYC. As of right now, my favorite spot is Tribeca Rooftop with amazing views of NYC, the Hudson River, and their outstanding rooftop for the perfect spot for a party or wedding. 

Jennifer Gilbert: Real Housewives Of New York City Needs A Lesbian!

Hollywoodlife.com:

As reports swirl that the upcoming season of The Real Housewives of New York will be adding a “wealthy Hamptons housewife,” former cast member Jennifer Gilbert, says it’s not a done deal yet, adding she would like to see a more diverse cast.


Jennifer, president of the New York City event planning firm Save The Date, told HollywoodLife.com, “Sure, I would love to see a lesbian, or some diversity. It would be nice to do something a little diverse. All I know is The Real Housewives of New Jersey got [extremely high] ratings, so I think in order to get those type of ratings, they should up the ante.” Adds Jennifer, who remains friendly with the cast, “I do know that they haven’t 100 percent firmed up [the new cast member]. It’s not entirely in stone yet. I know they were looking at a zillion people.”


But the identity of the new rabblerouser will soon be known. Housewife Ramona Singer, who will be returning to the show, told HollywoodLife.com at an OK! magazine party Sept. 13, “There is a new girl coming on…We start filming Sept. 20, that’s our target date. It’s going to be the best season ever, I feel it and I know it.”


And fellow cast member Jill Zarin, author of The New York Times bestseller, Secrets Of A Jewish Mother, tells HollywoodLife.com she has faith in Bravo’s casting. “Bravo selects strong women who are independent and driven, which is why I feel so grateful to be part of the franchise. (Zarin also reacted to this week’s news that New Jersey Housewife Danielle Staub, landed a new show, Social, on WeatlhTV, saying “I am excited to see any Housewife branch out, whether it be a product line or their own TV show.”)


As for Jennifer, she may return to the show’s upcoming season, but not as a permanent character; instead she may appear on the show planning parties for the other cast members. “That is the hope,” she said. “I met with Bravo. I’m talking to a bunch of the girls about events they want to plan. I’d love to come back. I had fun. I just don’t want to do it every minute. It was great, but it was a tremendous amount of work, and to be honest, I’ve had a business for 16 years, I have a job. And I have kids. “


And Gilbert say she won’t miss being engulfed in the show’s seemingly non-stop drama. “At least this time, I’ll be watching from the sidelines!"

A "lesbian"? That's stupid esp. with Kim Zolciak and Danielle already holding down that front. Considering this is New York City we're talking about I'd hope that Bravo would cast a black or Hispanic woman before they'd cast a lesbian, if they're really going to go the "diverse" route. And really for all her talk about not wanting to come back, I doubt that there's anyone out there who misses Jennifer being on the show.

Jennifer Gilbert Settles Lawsuit

FOXNews.com:

"Real Housewife of New Jersey" bad girl Danielle Staub reportedly has a sex tape about to be released, and last week "Real Housewife of New York" Sonja Morgan got busted for a DUI. 

Now a newbie “New York Real Housewife” has joined the fray, settling a high-profile lawsuit with a matchmaking company.

Jennifer Gilbert was introduced on the hit Bravo show as Jill Zarin’s party planner. Earlier this year, Gilbert, principal of NY-based event consulting company “Save the Date,” filed a Trademark Infringement lawsuit against Hattie Grace Elliot, Founder & CEO of the high-end dating service “Save the Date(ing)”, which brings together singles to social events. 

After two months of attorneys vigorously battling it out, Pop Tarts has learned that Elliot decided to settle out-of-court last week and re-brand her business “The Grace List,” because she says Gilbert’s financial means would have allowed her to drag the case out indefinitely.

“[Gilbert’s legal counsel] claimed I could not use the words 'save the date.' However, I was completely prepared to contest the lawsuit and argue that the phrase 'save the date' is a generic term used by all types of people and businesses,” Elliot said of the outcome. “I have complete faith that I would have won had the case gone to a jury trial, but only decided to settle due to the prohibitive costs involved in defending myself and my company in federal court.  I do not have the unlimited financial resources of Ms. Gilbert, who I understand has been quite successful in suing numerous small businesses.”

With Bethenny talking more and more about wanting to be out of RHONYC, wonder if Gilbert will replace her? 8 'Housewives' on one show is too much to keep both.

Jennifer Gilbert Talks RHONYC Finale, Drama and If She'd Come Back

I refuse to believe any "housewife" who says she didn't have any idea of what the show was about before they went on. I could go either way on Jennifer Gilbert coming back next year.

Jennifer Gilbert: No Drama? No Airtime! The Forgotten NYC Housewife

AP.com:

There will be someone missing from the upcoming reunion episode of the reality television show "The Real Housewives of New York City."

That's Jennifer Gilbert, an event planner who was quietly introduced in recent weeks on the Bravo TV show as someone arranging a party for housewife Jill Zarin.

Believe it or not, Gilbert wasn't just tapped to organize a party but to be a full-fledged cast member on the third season of the show, which follows a group of women as they juggle their careers, motherhood and busy social calendars. But she says she couldn't get any airtime.

"I don't know there's anything I could've done differently to advocate for myself without looking obnoxious," Gilbert says. "I found in a lot of situations if you didn't scream the loudest or say the meanest thing you weren't heard."

TV crews followed Gilbert for three months at her homes in New York and in the Hamptons. She was filmed for the show's open, but viewers rarely saw her.

"I was surprised because I really did film quite a lot," she says.

Nothing against Jennifer (she seems nice from what little I've seen) but like I've said before 8 is too much to carry for an hour-long show. Plus, if Jennifer's going to go the DeShaun Snow route (nice, but boring) she'll quickly find herself off the show. Sonja Morgan found a lane (i.e. ditzy) and its certainly working for her (well, until she got arrested for that DUI the other day), if Jennifer wants to stay on RHONY she needs to figure something out (i.e. a "personality quirk") and step up her game (i.e. "milk it"). Of course she could just replace Kelly, that'd be cool by me.

New RHNY Jennifer Gilbert Interview

Zap2It.com:

Did you blink and miss the newest New York housewife? You're not alone!


Yes, "Real Housewives of New York" fans, the newest housewife Jennifer Gilbert made her debut last night, Thursday, April 29. She was the event planner that Jill hired for her holiday party.


Poor thing. When Sonja Morgan debuted in the last episode, the Red Sea parted, angels sang and Bravo inserted a segment introducing her. Jennifer? She didn't even get one of those title cards where she gets to pose while her family stands in the far background.


So, who's Jennifer Gilbert? She recently spoke to IVillage.com and our pals at LATimes.com. Here's what we gleaned:


* She has been married for seven years and she has three kids: A five-year-old daughter name Blaise and two-year-old twin sons Saxton and Grey.


* She owns Save the Date, an event planning company, and she's co-owner of Portamee, a baby-carrier producer.


* Now 41, Ernst & Young named her entrepreneur of the year when she was 29 years old.


* She had no relationship to any of the other housewives before Jill hired her to plan her holiday party.


* She's over the Bethenny - Jill feud and claims she doesn't belong to either team.


We fully expect the show to roll out the red carpet for her soon.

Damn, I didn't notice her either.

Confirmed: Phaedra Parks, Cynthia Bailey New Castmates On ‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’

AccessAtlanta.com:

April Love, a local PR rep for Lisa Wu Hartwell, confirmed to me that both attorney Phaedra Parks and model Cynthia Bailey (left) are now new castmates on “The Real Housewives of Atlanta,” which began shooting its third season this month.

Mediatakeout broke the news about Bailey earlier today.

I reported the rumor about Bailey being in the running in February.

Love doesn’t know about how Bravo will deal with seven housewives and how they are going to pare the cast down to something more manageable during the season.

If anything, it’s smart for Bravo to shake things up and shift the dynamics, which were starting to get a wee bit tiresome toward the end of season two.

The four original housewives (Kandi Burruss came on year two) have three-season contracts. It’ll be interesting who will stick around for a fourth season – if there is one.

This comes after the news that "Real Housewives of New York" would be adding two new members this season as well. Bad idea in my opinion. Bravo risks overindulgency with all these cast members and then too who wants to follow 7 different women in an hour-long episode? The only show that needs a new member is "New Jersey", just to spice it up a bit as the 4 vs. 1 (Danielle vs. the world) drama just seems like it'll get played out soon enough. 6 should be the limit on each show as it gives each women a fair amount of time.